i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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