I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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