He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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