I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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