I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
