I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
