Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
