So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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