bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
