I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
