shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
