my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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