Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
