After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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