I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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