YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
