if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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