Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
