Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
