im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
