Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
