it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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