You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
