I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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