I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
