If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
