Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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