She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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