Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
