he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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