the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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