Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
