I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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