she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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