So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
