Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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