i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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