i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
