I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
