Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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