How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
