Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
