you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize