Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
