i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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