Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
