Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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