the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
