I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
