just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
