I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
