I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want her autograph on my taint
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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