Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
