you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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