you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
