Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
