Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
