you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
