I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
