is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.