Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.