i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?