i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.