Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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