i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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