your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
