I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
