Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
