CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
