Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
