I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
