I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
