i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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