As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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