u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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