I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
