I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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