I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
