i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
