I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
