help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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