for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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